Sunday December 26, 2004
disaster averted by Xmas elves: goldie tells all

Ahhh... I didn't go with the DQ moniker for nothing, as many of you will know ;).

As it so often is with these things, Xmas didn't turn out as bad as I expected it to. I just found it so odd to be experiencing such strong, uncontrollable emotion after so many months of being unflappable.

You see, I am one of these people that anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds work really well for. I'm on the lowest dose of a really good drug (Cipramil, made with citalopram if you're interested), and within 2 weeks of starting them in April I was mood-swing-and-panic-attack-free. Which was particularly brilliant throughout my poor sister's cancer issues. In fact, I felt like a normal person again. It had been quite some time.

I am also virtually side-effectless. About the worst thing I deal with is grinding my teeth and mild headaches. I was afraid I would feel that whole 'disconnectedness' from reality that many people talk about, but nope. Still here, still experiencing and enjoying reality (although my friends will still attest to my insanity, which I hope never to lose).

And as for sexuality (and you don't have to read this part if you don't want to know: stick your fingers in your ears and hum)... well. Libido = maybe 5-10% diminished (ie, barely anything) while orgasm intensity = skyrocketed through the roof. The fucking roof, I tells you!

There's always a silver lining to every perceived cloud.

So anyways, once I got over my lil tantrum yesterday and found some lettuce and a bloody chicken, the picnic in the park wasn't so bad. Quite relaxing really, in perfect 27 degree celcius weather. There were heaps of other families there too - I had no idea so many converged on Botanic Park to celebrate every year. We were lucky we got there at 11, or all the tree-space would have been taken.

So I hope your Xmas/Hunukah/Festivus activities were tantrum-free and filled with much fattening food and fine alcamahol. And, above all, love of those people without whom life wouldn't be complete.

Thanks from the absolute bottom of my heart to those who have been there for me this year. Every single comment, every single email, every single expression of sympathy, empathy, annoyance, advice, love, laughter and tears has moved and comforted me beyond belief, no matter if I was on the giving or receiving end.

Thanks for being a part of my family. Merry Christmas all!

Love goldie xox

posted by goldie @ 09:54 AM on 12.26.04 :  ping
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